By Alan Sharpe, CFRE
When you write your donor newsletter stories, do you write to one reader at a time? One person writing to another? Or do you make the common newsletter mistake of writing from “us” to “them?”
Direct mail donors are individuals. They donate as individuals. And they read your newsletters as individuals. If you want your newsletter stories to inspire them to donate again, you must write to them as individuals. And write as a human being.
For example, does the following paragraph sound like it was written by a human being or a committee?
“The new Rehabilitation and Geriatric Research Centre will enable fulfillment of the existing potential of the research groups to be local, provincial and national leaders in the areas of rehabilitation and geriatric medicine.”
When your donor reads a sentence like that, she expects to hear a voice saying, “Your call is important to us. Please wait for the next available agent.” Writing like that lacks warmth, lacks colour, lacks humanity. That’s why your donor won’t read it. Not for long, anyway.
Give your donor the choice between deciphering what “enable fulfillment of the existing potential” means or watching Coronation Street to see if Vera and Jack Duckworth have another row and I know which choice will prevail over your donor.
I’m not saying your newsletters need to read like a scene from a soap opera. I’m just saying your newsletters need to speak to your readers one at a time. Here are some tips on making your articles, columns and reports speak to each reader (each donor, that is) as an individual.
1. Avoid formal language
Avoid bureaucratese and institutionalese. Don’t say “the species under investigation exhibited a one-hundred percent positive mortality response” when you can instead say, “the seals died.”
2. Write in a colloquial style
Don’t talk about your leadership as “the hospital management.” Talk instead of “Hospital Chairman Brad Phillips and his team.”
3. Write about people using their first names
Don’t call a client of yours Mrs. Yamadija when you can call her Sonjay. First names are informal. Last names and titles are formal.
4. Avoid high-falutin’ mumbo-jumbo
Consider this phrase from a donor newsletter: “This new environment will facilitate synergy.” What does this mean? The writer knows. Maybe. Your typical donor does not. Enough said.
You might be interested in…
 Mail Superiority.Learn the proven, step-by-step process for raising funds and friends cost effectively, year after year. |
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And don’t pass up…
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 Handbook Number 153 Simple Ways to Raise More Money with Your Donor Newsletter. Learn how to strike the profitable balance between informing and asking. |
 Handbook Number 351 Ways to Write Original Donation Thank-You Letters. Profit by crafting original gift acknowledgement letters. |
