Enter Shooting to Make Your Donation Request Letters Irresistible

June 16, 2006 By Publisher

By Alan Sharpe, CFRE
When the Argentine army surrendered in June of 1982, ending the Falklands War, some Royal Marines discovered that the quickest way to get the attention of stubborn Argentine prisoners, since we did not speak their language, and they did not speak ours, was to hit them on the elbow with the handle of a pickaxe. Prisoners treated in this fashion followed our orders.

I would no longer recommend this as a way to treat my fellow human beings, but I have learned that the same tactic applies to writing fundraising letters. Unless you can gain and sustain the attention of your reader, and do so quickly, you have lost. Lost your donor, and lost your donation.

In the world of dramatic fiction, creative authors understand the need to grab their readers immediately and not let them go until the end of the story. The place they do this first if the first line. Their advice to writers of fundraising letters is simple: “Enter shooting.”

In other words, start your donation request letter with such a dramatic first sentence that your reader is compelled to put all the other mail aside, put down the TV remote, and read your letter.

You have two places to enter shooting: your carrier envelope and the first line of your letter. Here are some ways to grab attention:

ENVELOPE

Use a large, commemorative stamp
Have someone famous sign the letter, and put that person’s name above the return address (Fund for a Free South Africa, for example, used Nelson Mandela to good effect in a mailing)
Ask a question or pose a riddle that is answered inside
Address the letter by hand

OPENING LINE

Ask a provocative question: “What do you suppose is the easiest way to reduce homelessness in our city by 30%?”
Start telling a gripping story: “She stood on the curb looking scared and lonely in a skimpy halter top and bright red lipstick. It was two in the morning. A chilly breeze whipped up in the street and seemed to make her shiver. She was a child . . . just a child. We pulled our Covenant House van up to the curb and rolled down the window . . . .”
Quote someone: “You can’t turn back the clock, but you can wind it up again.”
Reveal an unknown, compelling fact: “America’s neglect is killing our children. In the past year, 40,000 babies like Andrew died before their first birthday. Virtually no other industrial nation lets so many of its babies die.”
Tell a joke: “Ebeneezer Scrooge never made a gift to Pomona College. After trafficking in Spirits he became a good and generous man, but he was never blessed with children, nor with the ability to send them to an outstanding liberal arts college. For us, parents of Pomona College students . . . .”

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